likes The Train Job on Boxee. check it out at http://www.hulu.com/watch/4564
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Archive for January 2009
Imagine my surprise when I discovered that I like Womanizer by Britney Spears even if it’s overproduced. (You can tell how closely I follow pop music by the fact that today is the first time I heard this song.)
46. Thomas S. Monson
Charges: If Satan were real, and had a severely chapped anus from a fortnight of angry, unlubricated gay sex with an evil moon-dragon, we imagine it’d look a lot like Monson’s disturbingly weathered face. As supreme cretin of one of this country’s most ridiculous religions (just a nose behind Scientology), the Latter Day Saint did a divine job sanctioning and funding the â€œYes on Prop 8â€ initiative to deny gays the right to be unhappily married. The Mormon faith is based on the existence and translation of magic, golden plates no one has ever seen except the charlatan who claimed they existed, kind of like the evidence that gay weddings threaten â€œtraditionalâ€ marriage, which, to Mormons, is defined as between a man and a woman, and a woman, and a woman.
Exhibit A: â€œChoose your love, Love your choice.â€
Sentence: Photographed at the Salt Lake City Marriot with an evil moon-dragon named Lance.
For the record, I think that might be a tad harsh on ol’ Tommy Monson. He can take some consolation in the fact that he’s only somewhat more loathsome than our beloved President Obama (#50) and less loathsome than You (#43):
Charges: You think itâ€™s your patriotic duty to spend money you donâ€™t have on crap you donâ€™t need. You think Hillary lost because of sexism, when itâ€™s actually because sheâ€™s just a bad liar. You think Iraq is better off now than before we invaded, and donâ€™t understand why theyâ€™re so ungrateful. You think Tim Russert was a great journalist. Youâ€™re hopping mad about an auto industry bailout that cost a squirt of piss compared to a Wall Street heist of galactic dimensions, due to a housing crash you somehow have blamed on minorities. It took you six years to figure out what a tool Bush is, but you think Obama will make it all better. You deem it hunky dory that we conduct national policy debates via 8-second clips from â€œThe View.â€ You think God zapped humans into existence a few thousand years ago, although your appendix and wisdom teeth disagree. You like watching vicious assholes insult each other on TV. You support gun rights, because firing one gives you a chubby. You cuddle falsehoods and resent enlightenment. You think the fact that 43% of whites could stomach voting for an incredibly charismatic and eloquent light-skinned black guy who was raised by white people means racism is over. You think progressive taxation is socialism. 1 in 100 of you are in jail, and you think it should be more. You are shallow, inconsiderate, afraid, brand-conscious, sedentary, and totally self-obsessed. You are American.
Exhibit A: Youâ€™re more upset by Miley Cyrusâ€™s glamour shots than the fact that you are a grown adult who is upset about Miley Cyrus.
Sentence: Invaded and occupied by Canada; all military units busy overseas without enough fuel to get back.