Comments on: A Mutually Loving Impasse

By: Wayne

Wayne — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 20:32:56 +0000

Understanding that your journey is only yours, will help you in the long run. You have to give up the idea that your wife or kids will follow.

Whether it is right or wrong is only for them to decide.

Just as you experience Mormonism differently, than your family; the same would apply if they embraced “free thinking.”
And since you want to keep your family together you would have to accept those differences just as you do now.

By: Lincoln Cannon

Lincoln Cannon — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:19:06 +0000

Wasteful of your imagination and its consequences in reality — wasteful of our faith.

By: Lessie

Lessie — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 18:06:11 +0000

Lincoln, wasteful in a fatalistic sense? Like if there’s no eternity, then life isn’t worth living? I’m still not sure I completely understand what you mean.

By: Lincoln Cannon

Lincoln Cannon — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:56:26 +0000

Lessie, I don’t think you’ve contradicted yourself, and do wish you continued success in your efforts. To clarify my point, I intended to communicate that anything short of the assumption of eternity (both in the present and future) is wasteful.

By: Lessie

Lessie — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:51:08 +0000

Woohoo! My first try at html worked!

By: Lessie

Lessie — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:50:06 +0000

Hi Lincoln. I agree with the gist of your statement. I was raised in the church and taught the doctrine of sealings, salvation, and their interconnectedness. So I am well aware of the potential for pain that a spouse’s leaving the church can cause. As a matter of fact, I was raised in the midst of it. My father is agnostic and my mother is very committed and faithful. My sister and I were constantly reminded of the pain that my mom felt by his perceived betrayal and we were invited to share this pain, sense of betrayal, and lack of full trust in our father. To this day my parents refuse to really talk about these issues. My dad refuses to listen to the spiritual things that are important to my mom and my mom refuses to listen to the doubts that my dad has. They are both fiercely defensive about their feelings.

However, as for this statement:

Faith in anything short of that (in quantity or quality) is, to return to a word used by Jonathan, wasteful.

That is precisely the attitude that breaks up mixed faith marriages regardless of what religion we’re talking about. My husband and I have managed to build a strong relationship in spite of our differences in belief. We are madly in love, we have two wonderful boys, neither of us feels the need to separate based on such an attitude. There is a website out here on the bloggernacle called Facing East where spouses go to talk about building an eternal marriage in spite of differing beliefs. While such a thing may be a contradiction in terms for you, there are many faithful LDS who find that in spite of their spouse’s doubt, they still love who that person is at their base and want to go ahead and spend the rest of their lives with them.

By: Jonathan Blake

Jonathan Blake — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:48:46 +0000

This, I think has wisdom in it.

Knowing myself, I don’t think I have the space to forgive yet. It’s still too close, and I don’t know how to get that distance.

By: Lincoln Cannon

Lincoln Cannon — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:44:41 +0000

You are deciding that there is no way, and you should take responsibility for this decision. You should also forgive the LDS Church, more for your sake than for its sake — I don’t say this lightly, as it is something I, too, often struggle with emotionally.

The duty I mention is not only toward the LDS Church. It is a general moral duty, without which there is no morality at all. For me, the LDS Church happens to be a particularly important aspect of the practical scope of my possible contributions. I supect you are in a similar position.

By: Jonathan Blake

Jonathan Blake — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:40:22 +0000

There are some days that I still feel extremely hurt by the pain the church has caused me. On those days, still being involved with the church feels like I can’t let go of a relationship with an abusive spouse.

By: Jonathan Blake

Jonathan Blake — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:37:16 +0000

I could try to express my thoughts more constructively, and my ideas and the expression thereof would still be ostracized. When it comes down to it, there is no room in the everyday church for me to express what I think, no matter how constructively I approach the discussion.

Unlike you, I don’t feel a sense of duty to the church. I feel like the church betrayed me long before I betrayed it.