Looking back, we wish we had eloped. I mean, we were true believrs so of course we were getting married in the temple, but including my family and excluding hers was a complete slap in the face.

you know, reading it again here i am reminded of the pain that i suffer with to this day, having to sort out in myself the self-assurance and self-righteousness that made me think that i WAS doing the right thing and made me even, to a certain degree, thrive on my father’s unhappiness and devastation. those persecution complexes, man. they are compelling.

You’re right that it’s not a fair situation and that I am being selfish when I ask for some consideration in return for the sacrifices that I—like all parents—make. Having said that, I want the LDS way of doing things to get its fair share of culpability, too. The insistence in the U.S. on a temple wedding first—unlike in other places of the world—combined with the exclusion of non-LDS family and friends from those weddings are the root cause of the conflict. If the LDS lifted either of those restrictions in the spirit of love and compromise in order to bring families together, then I think there would be very few complaints.

I don’t honestly expect temple sealings to be open to the public. I understand the idea of sacred space and how important it is to some people. I see no reason, however, to insist on performing a temple wedding first instead of allowing the couple to get married outside the temple where all can come together to celebrate and then being sealed soon thereafter. I stand ready to compromise. I would be perfectly content to see the wedding if the temple sealing happened afterward.

Instead, no compromise is offered and non-LDS family and friends are consoled that they can choose to attend the temple if they are willing to become worthy. This is effectively saying:

All* are welcome to come to the temple.

* Participants are required to believe in God in the prescribed fashion; believe that Joseph Smith and all current LDS leaders are God’s representatives; join the LDS club; be obedient to the directives of the aforementioned leaders, both general and local; pay dues amounting to 10% of their income; attend club meetings regularly; work for the club without pay; avoid association with clubs and persons with views which oppose those of the LDS club; wear special underwear; and commit to stand ready to give the LDS club everything the they possess under penalty of disembowelment, dismemberment, and death. Only then will claimants be able to attend the temple wedding of their family members or friends.

That’s no compromise. That’s using ritual to control people by holding their family weddings ransom while demanding that they do as you say. That’s the long way of expressing the same thing as I said at the end of Ritual Violence V.

Is that what Jesus would do?